Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Creampie Story

I was stunned. Now, I had been prepared for her stunning hair. And it was stunning. I couldn't see the back, because she was facing me with twinkling eyes, but it was a glossy straight black hair that was chin length except for the heavy bangs. Yum! However, what stunned me was how stunningly fugly she was. Fugly did not start to describe her, either.

I was taken aback by her face, which reminded me of Winston Churchill or perhaps a pug. The hair could not rescue that face, not in a million years. My sudden arousal was now replaced by a sudden repulsion, and I struggled to reply.

"Aw, you are just wanting to steal a sip or two," I grinned as charmingly as I could.

"Maybe creampie," she agreed, grinning back and thereby exposing her snaggle-tooth smile. "Whatcha drinkin'?"

"Rye and Ginger," I replied, hoping my face did not betray my horror. I made a sign to the bartender to get two more, and told her she now needed to drink one with me.

"OK," she agreed, flashing that God-awful smile again. If I had teeth like that, I would try to hide them instead of showing them as much as she did.

"Whose your friend?" growled the smoker. Although I dislike smokers, she was at least someone I'd not be embarrassed to be seen with.

Bobbi turned to face her, and it was like time went into slow motion. Her black hair spun out like Dorothy Hamill's did when she skated, forming a flying wedge. While her hair was chin length in front, it was buzzed to bristles in the back. Now my arousal returned with such force that I couldn't remember what her face looked like. I hate myself sometimes!

"I dunno," she said to her friend, then turned back to me (and slowing time again). "My name's Bobbi, and this is Greta and Lorlene," she said, indicating her two friends. "What's yours?"

"I'm Clem creampie lover," I replied, looking at her friends to avoid seeing her face again. Had I seen a mole with a hair sticking out of it?

"Here's your drinks," said the bartender, setting down four glasses. Per the commonly accepted protocol, Bobbi and I slammed down the whiskey, then pounded the ginger ale in single gulps. We both blinked at the burn and Bobbi grinned that abominable grin of hers. I was glad I felt a bit woozy.

"Hey Bobbi," came a very country male voice. "Done sumptin' with yer hair?"

"Sure did!" Bobbi agreed, turning to face the tall Texan strollin' by.

"Well, now!" he said, looking her over. "Mighty purty!" he declared, "Sexy creampie!"

"Thanks Roy," Bobbi bubbled. As the lanky critter ambled away, Bobbi turned to her friends. "See? Some guys think shorter hair is sexy."

I had turned back to the bar, wanting to clear from my memory the face that could sink a thousand ships while retaining the fantasy of her hair. I was forced to turn back by the gravelly voiced Greta, who asked, "So Clem, what do you think?"

read a continuation on my blog: Creampie Blog